EQ…What is it and why is it so important?
Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who has very low self-awareness? Someone who barely listens to what you have to say, and instead, cannot wait to get their thoughts and opinions across to you? You might be talking about a mutual friend or neighbor and sharing something that happened, and before you can finish your story, this person hijacks the conversation and segues it toward their agenda under the auspices of some tangentially relevant topic? Or worse, at work, you might be baring your soul to recap an uncomfortable situation only to have this person suddenly make it all about something that happened to them 10 years earlier. Never any sympathy for you, or opportunity to revel in some success you might have had, but rather, suddenly you find yourself drowning in their retelling of some scenario from a distant memory.
These are basic examples of a lack of emotional intelligence or EQ. EQ is defined as the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and express emotions effectively, both in oneself and in others. It includes skills such as empathy, self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management.
Intelligence Quotient or IQ measures cognitive abilities, focusing on logical reasoning, problem-solving, memory, mathematical aptitude, and linguistic skills. It is often assessed through standardized tests. IQ is a term and concept that everyone is familiar with. I know several people who are brilliant but very low EQ. Elon Musk and Steve Jobs are 2 business titans that I admire greatly for their accomplishments but no one would ever accuse them of having a high degree of empathy. You might even refer to them as socially awkward. Conversely, there are plenty of people who are highly sensitive and tuned into their surroundings, co-workers love to be around their magnetic personality but this doesn’t guarantee they will be successful. IQ and EQ are not necessarily mutually exclusive, but I do believe they are interconnected.
I wouldn’t describe either of my parents as high EQ people, certainly not my dad, but dad has 31 patents and was a brilliant engineer for IBM and Phillips Semiconductor so I’ll forgive him for his lack of sensitivity. Mom possesses a higher level of self-awareness but perhaps due to cultural differences, she lacked some of the social graces we come to expect from people. To this day, she will literally say whatever is on her mind, with no filter or forethought about how her words might be heard or interpreted.
Conversely, I always prided myself on my ability to gauge my audience, read people and understand what they needed. Perhaps my concern for people’s feelings stemmed from the “direct” upbringing I had or my overwhelming need to be liked. I like to think of myself as a good listener, assessing what I’m hearing and asking thought provoking questions before offering solutions, but most importantly, taking a genuine interest in what is being shared. I believe EQ can be cultivated and nurtured.
IQ is often considered relatively stable over time, with minor changes possible through learning and education whereas emotional intelligence can be developed and improved with effort, practice, and self-awareness. It is more malleable than IQ. EQ plays a crucial role in how individuals handle stress, empathize with others and navigate social situations. High EQ can also lead to more effective communication skills and better management of emotions in both personal and professional relationships.
There are certain professions that naturally attract people with high IQ and low EQ. They don’t want to be bothered with social situations and awkwardness; Scientists, data analysts, mathematicians just to name a few. Individuals with high EQ can find themselves drawn to professions like acting, sales or therapy. There is a need to gain the approval of others, be liked and engage with people.
Having a high IQ or high EQ alone does not necessarily guarantee success in the workplace. Ideally, it is more common that successful individuals possess a combination of both high IQ and EQ, utilizing their cognitive abilities along with emotional awareness to excel in various aspects of life. An analytical person should seek to be more balanced, developing their social skills, and likewise, someone who is referred to as charming and likeable needs to be knowledgeable and provide substance. Recognizing the value of emotional intelligence can lead to more well-rounded personal development and improved social interactions.
