In Memory of Larry
Handling a manager you don't trust can be a delicate situation, and it often requires a set of tactics to maintain professionalism and navigate the work environment effectively. While I have had the privilege of working for some great, highly communicative and transparent managers, I have had my share of self-serving, socially unaware and insensitive bosses who only viewed employees as an ends to a means. Sometimes, behind a veneer, they put forth a façade that gives the impression that they are actually trustworthy and care about your success, but after time passes, you can see their true colors and motivations. Other times, pressure or other factors like self-preservation come into play and the manager transforms into someone completely different than the one you agreed to work for. They may be paranoid about their performance and view you as a threat. You also have to discern between temporary chaos (EOQ or EOY pressure) vs. being exposed to their true personality.
A manager I deeply respected, Larry Wainscott, gave me some salient advice fairly early in my career as I was pursuing management and leadership roles. He said, “One day, you will come to a fork in the road where you can either put up with the BS from your boss or the company, or you can find a new job. You won’t like or trust everyone you work for, and life is too short to put up with people who don’t have your interests at heart.” This was around 1990 and 33 years later I still think about his words often. He would drop little pearls of wisdom on me that felt like “throwaway” lines but left a lasting impression on an aspiring sales rep.
There are only a few things you can do when you encounter this situation. First and foremost, I begin with some self-reflection. Is it possible that I did something that might have contributed to my mangers’ lack of trust. Sometimes, what works for one manager might not work for another and past experiences might cloud our judgement.
Being highly communicative and providing the manager with constructive feedback along with establishing clear expectations is also important. Setting up a private 1:1 to express your feelings professionally and focusing on SPECIFIC instances and behaviors that caused me to doubt my manager’s trustworthiness. Clarity and transparency are critical not to mention doing this in a non-threatening but honest way. Having clearly defined roles and responsibilities makes it easier to hold each other accountable. In one case, I found myself overstepping my role simply because my manager wasn’t doing his job and it created tension. In my effort to get things done, I didn’t consider the perceived “threat” I had become.
I’ve always been the beneficiary of strong, more experienced mentors who, without anything at stake, provide a non-judgmental ear and can give fact-based advice and guidance. It is likely that the mentor has had similar experiences to draw from and can provide valuable insights and help develop strategies to move forward.
In other cases you might shift your focus to your own professional growth and development. By concentrating on new skills and experiences, you can excel in your role, irrespective of the manager’s behavior. At the very least, this gives you a sense of control over your career path and direction.
Networking inside and outside of the company is also imperative. Building relationships with colleagues and team members outside of your immediate department can help you gain a broader perspective and support system, which could prove to be valuable on your journey.
I hope it doesn’t come to this, but to protect yourself professionally, you’ll also want to start documenting and tracking your interactions and critical decisions made by your manager. On the surface, this isn’t about being adversarial but rather ensuring that there is a record of what has been asked of you, what your contributions have been and your version of the truth.
Finally, be patient. Trust takes time to build and it doesn’t happen overnight. Give your manager opportunities to demonstrate growth and change. People can evolve (though I would argue no more than 10% from their true nature – topic for another discussion). Doubts can be replaced by trust and it is possible for the manager to take the feedback to heart.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been over 12 years since Larry passed away from prostate cancer. I think about him often, but especially this time of the year because he loved Halloween and getting dressed up. He was such a ham, performer to the core and loved attention. He was an accomplished musician and, once, brought down the house with an unforgettable performance at the House of Blues in New Orleans. Larry was one of the few mentors in my life and career that had a tremendous impact on my future, even though I didn’t know it at the time. I took so much of what he said for granted, and it wasn’t until years later that I appreciated the meaning of the messages he shared. I miss you buddy.
